to pee or not to pee
the other day i saw a commercial for the new clearblue easy pregnancy test. remember when pregnancy test commercials were sappy and emotional, and showed a couple waiting for the results...and the girl said something cheesy like, "i need to know, it would change our lives (tear tear)."
well, those days are over. this commercial resembles the 6-blade razor commercial that debuted during the superbowl last year. it's all high-tech looking, sci-fi almost, and the voice over is a deep masculine voice talking about how advanced the technology is. then, the best line:
"The most sophisticated piece of technology that you will ever pee on."
want to see it?
hilarious.
_________
1.28.2007
1.26.2007
direct deposit m-f-ers
last week, i deposited three checks. two were paychecks from my new job, one was a paycheck from my old one.
so today, i see the check amount from my old job paycheck has been withdrawn from my account. and i think, what the hell? so i email my old business manager at my previous job - all pissed off - and say why was this money withdrawn from my account (, idiot)?
she replies with "i have no idea," and i curse her existence. then, i call the bank. i'm not rude to the rep i talk to, because i make it a point not to be rude to those people. i explain that i need more description on this transaction. she says that they only have record of two checks being deposited that day. then it hits me.
i used to have direct deposit, where you get the fake check (they really should make those look less like checks) that just shows how much was deposited. it dawns on me, as i'm on hold with bank of america, that i probably deposited one of those. man, am i stupid.
so i thought i was rich, it turns out i'm not. not only am i not rich, i'm an idiot.
happy f-ing friday.
last week, i deposited three checks. two were paychecks from my new job, one was a paycheck from my old one.
so today, i see the check amount from my old job paycheck has been withdrawn from my account. and i think, what the hell? so i email my old business manager at my previous job - all pissed off - and say why was this money withdrawn from my account (, idiot)?
she replies with "i have no idea," and i curse her existence. then, i call the bank. i'm not rude to the rep i talk to, because i make it a point not to be rude to those people. i explain that i need more description on this transaction. she says that they only have record of two checks being deposited that day. then it hits me.
i used to have direct deposit, where you get the fake check (they really should make those look less like checks) that just shows how much was deposited. it dawns on me, as i'm on hold with bank of america, that i probably deposited one of those. man, am i stupid.
so i thought i was rich, it turns out i'm not. not only am i not rich, i'm an idiot.
happy f-ing friday.
1.24.2007
today, i'd like to discuss the state of the union. oh wait...shit...i can't, because i didn't watch. i didn't watch because i find it to be one of the most painfully boring hours on television. next to golf, and most of what is on the history channel.
i can discuss, however, what was covered in the mac-daddy of political speeches, because how can you get through the day without hearing about it from one place or another.
1. health insurance tax breaks. sounds great, but is misleading. actually, this would make health insurance costs taxable income for people who are covered by their employer. i don't claim to know everything about it, but this is a fact (cnn.com) and i think that sucks. it would be great if you pay your own coverage, then you can get up to $15,000 in tax breaks. hm.
2. the war. "i ask you to give it a chance to work." exact words. seems to me like he's pleading, wanting someone--anyone--to support his decisions in this area. unfortunately for him, he doesn't have much support at all...so we'll see where this goes.
3. oil. apparently, we shouldn't be so dependent on oil. weird, i've never thought of that. this topic is one of those that if i think about it for too long, i start to get a eerie feeling that the planet will implode or something. i have to drive to get to work. if i quit my job, i wouldn't be a working member of my community. if i got a job closer to my home, so i could ride the bus, i wouldn't make enough money to pay my bills. then i'd be asking for welfare. i mean, it's just a vicious cycle.
4. immigration. blah...to me, uninteresting...because there is no simple solution and even if there were, i guarantee that capitol hill wouldn't be trying it.
there were other things, like a shout out to pelosi (who by the way didn't actually complete her "six in 06" in 100 hours), a nod to that guy who rescued the other guy from the subway tracks in NY, and i think there was something in there about the lady who created baby einstein...not sure.
all in all, another lame SOTU...can't wait for next year.
i can discuss, however, what was covered in the mac-daddy of political speeches, because how can you get through the day without hearing about it from one place or another.
1. health insurance tax breaks. sounds great, but is misleading. actually, this would make health insurance costs taxable income for people who are covered by their employer. i don't claim to know everything about it, but this is a fact (cnn.com) and i think that sucks. it would be great if you pay your own coverage, then you can get up to $15,000 in tax breaks. hm.
2. the war. "i ask you to give it a chance to work." exact words. seems to me like he's pleading, wanting someone--anyone--to support his decisions in this area. unfortunately for him, he doesn't have much support at all...so we'll see where this goes.
3. oil. apparently, we shouldn't be so dependent on oil. weird, i've never thought of that. this topic is one of those that if i think about it for too long, i start to get a eerie feeling that the planet will implode or something. i have to drive to get to work. if i quit my job, i wouldn't be a working member of my community. if i got a job closer to my home, so i could ride the bus, i wouldn't make enough money to pay my bills. then i'd be asking for welfare. i mean, it's just a vicious cycle.
4. immigration. blah...to me, uninteresting...because there is no simple solution and even if there were, i guarantee that capitol hill wouldn't be trying it.
there were other things, like a shout out to pelosi (who by the way didn't actually complete her "six in 06" in 100 hours), a nod to that guy who rescued the other guy from the subway tracks in NY, and i think there was something in there about the lady who created baby einstein...not sure.
all in all, another lame SOTU...can't wait for next year.
1.23.2007
idol banter
so i'm trudging through my work day, obviously taking a momentary break to write here...i'm sure my boss would be thrilled to know that. *side note: they have myspace and youtube blocked at my new work. jerks. do they not wan tus to waste time online? funny, because everyone is on IM all day. hm. anyways, i'm looking forward to a few things today...namely, american idol is on tonight. it will be the highlight of my tuesdays (and wednesdays) for the next couple of months, and i love it. the first episodes aren't as good as when the real action gets started, but i love it regardless.
i'll tell you what i don't love though. this:
"The first half of each season, which many find the most entertaining, is based on the verbal abuse and humiliation of contestants who lack talent, or who are not pretty enough by the standards of today’s music industry. Recently, this part of the show has come under fire from critics claiming the judges have become increasingly hostile toward less-talented contestants." - Jimmy Blue, The Daily Evergreen
"Some media outlets, including O'Donnell on ABC's The View, have criticized the judges for being especially unkind, pointing specifically to Kenneth Briggs and Jonathan Jayne, who became buddies while standing in the Seattle audition line. They were terrible on the show and quickly dismissed, Simon Cowell calling Briggs, who has big eyes, a "bush baby." Later, it was reported that Jayne once participated in the Special Olympics."
-Mike McDaniel, Houston Chronicle
"Yet viewers, media critics and Rosie O'Donnell alike have since charged the judges with upping the meanness factor this season and making unnecessarily cruel remarks to the hapless hopefuls who come before them. O'Donnell railed against the threesome on The View last week, after screening a clip in which Cowell compared a contestant to a "bush baby." "Isn't that what America thinks is entertainment?" O'Donnell asked."
- Sarah Hall, E!Online
Let get serious here. This show has been on for five seasons, has top ratings of all time, has launched young people into stardom (and not just for AI fans, for everyone. Jennifer Hudson was nominated for an Oscar for crying out loud). and now, all of a sudden, people are concerned that Simon is mean? just now, really? it's silly. i realize that the show itself is silly, but i have been watching since the first episode of the first season...so i'm a supporter, no matter what anyone else says.
the real point here is that these kids who are running from talk show to talk show, crying because the judges were mean, are looking for the same exact thing that the judges and FOX (and all of hollywood, come to that). a little press, and a lot of money. these two jokers that started this whole thing have AGENTS! agents for pete's sake. a few weeks ago all they had was a video on youtube and a special olympics medal, and now they are lined up for commercials, appearances and meetings with celebrities.
so while you're trying to get a name for yourself, american idol rejects, don't bite the hand that feeds you...or you'll end up like james frey.
so i'm trudging through my work day, obviously taking a momentary break to write here...i'm sure my boss would be thrilled to know that. *side note: they have myspace and youtube blocked at my new work. jerks. do they not wan tus to waste time online? funny, because everyone is on IM all day. hm. anyways, i'm looking forward to a few things today...namely, american idol is on tonight. it will be the highlight of my tuesdays (and wednesdays) for the next couple of months, and i love it. the first episodes aren't as good as when the real action gets started, but i love it regardless.
i'll tell you what i don't love though. this:
"The first half of each season, which many find the most entertaining, is based on the verbal abuse and humiliation of contestants who lack talent, or who are not pretty enough by the standards of today’s music industry. Recently, this part of the show has come under fire from critics claiming the judges have become increasingly hostile toward less-talented contestants." - Jimmy Blue, The Daily Evergreen
"Some media outlets, including O'Donnell on ABC's The View, have criticized the judges for being especially unkind, pointing specifically to Kenneth Briggs and Jonathan Jayne, who became buddies while standing in the Seattle audition line. They were terrible on the show and quickly dismissed, Simon Cowell calling Briggs, who has big eyes, a "bush baby." Later, it was reported that Jayne once participated in the Special Olympics."
-Mike McDaniel, Houston Chronicle
"Yet viewers, media critics and Rosie O'Donnell alike have since charged the judges with upping the meanness factor this season and making unnecessarily cruel remarks to the hapless hopefuls who come before them. O'Donnell railed against the threesome on The View last week, after screening a clip in which Cowell compared a contestant to a "bush baby." "Isn't that what America thinks is entertainment?" O'Donnell asked."
- Sarah Hall, E!Online
Let get serious here. This show has been on for five seasons, has top ratings of all time, has launched young people into stardom (and not just for AI fans, for everyone. Jennifer Hudson was nominated for an Oscar for crying out loud). and now, all of a sudden, people are concerned that Simon is mean? just now, really? it's silly. i realize that the show itself is silly, but i have been watching since the first episode of the first season...so i'm a supporter, no matter what anyone else says.
the real point here is that these kids who are running from talk show to talk show, crying because the judges were mean, are looking for the same exact thing that the judges and FOX (and all of hollywood, come to that). a little press, and a lot of money. these two jokers that started this whole thing have AGENTS! agents for pete's sake. a few weeks ago all they had was a video on youtube and a special olympics medal, and now they are lined up for commercials, appearances and meetings with celebrities.
so while you're trying to get a name for yourself, american idol rejects, don't bite the hand that feeds you...or you'll end up like james frey.
1.19.2007
office space
so, i'm at my new job a few weeks now. there is an interesting dynamic here...because half of the company was actually sold almost a year ago. so as a part of the split, the owners of the remaining half (the half i work for) agreed to relocate. obviously, moving 250 employees, including a call center, is a big feat. what is left is two completely separate companies coexisting in one building. and i'm the new person. there is a large room, filled with cubicles (the open office style, where if you stand up you can see everyone sitting around you) and i am the only one that works for my company. weird.
anyways, there is a guy who sits next to me...i can't see him, but he has the deepest most annoying voice in the world. and every morning around 8:15 am, he calls his girlfriend. "Baby, it's time to get up," he says. "I know you're tired, but you have to go to class...want me to call back in 5 minutes? ok, i will. bye baby."
5 minutes later. "Baby, it's time to get up. Class is at 10...you need to get up. Make some coffee...5 more minutes? ok, i'll call back."
5 minutes later. "Baby, it's time to get up. you won't have enough time to get ready...i love you too...just a few more minutes? ok."
2 minutes later. "Baby, it's really time to get up. ok...are you really getting up? are you sure? ok...call me when you're on your way to class. i love you. bye baby."
now, keep in mind, this is a condensed version of what, on some mornings, has gone on for up to 45 minutes. I'M exhausted by the time this girl actually gets out of bed to go to whatever class it is that she goes to. and why doesn't she just get an alarm clock? i mean, we're all grown ups...you can't have your mom come in and turn on your bedroom light until your 40, now can you. or can you?
i think i'm going to buy a $4.99 alarm clock at wal-mart this weekend, and leave it on his desk on monday morning. ha.
so, i'm at my new job a few weeks now. there is an interesting dynamic here...because half of the company was actually sold almost a year ago. so as a part of the split, the owners of the remaining half (the half i work for) agreed to relocate. obviously, moving 250 employees, including a call center, is a big feat. what is left is two completely separate companies coexisting in one building. and i'm the new person. there is a large room, filled with cubicles (the open office style, where if you stand up you can see everyone sitting around you) and i am the only one that works for my company. weird.
anyways, there is a guy who sits next to me...i can't see him, but he has the deepest most annoying voice in the world. and every morning around 8:15 am, he calls his girlfriend. "Baby, it's time to get up," he says. "I know you're tired, but you have to go to class...want me to call back in 5 minutes? ok, i will. bye baby."
5 minutes later. "Baby, it's time to get up. Class is at 10...you need to get up. Make some coffee...5 more minutes? ok, i'll call back."
5 minutes later. "Baby, it's time to get up. you won't have enough time to get ready...i love you too...just a few more minutes? ok."
2 minutes later. "Baby, it's really time to get up. ok...are you really getting up? are you sure? ok...call me when you're on your way to class. i love you. bye baby."
now, keep in mind, this is a condensed version of what, on some mornings, has gone on for up to 45 minutes. I'M exhausted by the time this girl actually gets out of bed to go to whatever class it is that she goes to. and why doesn't she just get an alarm clock? i mean, we're all grown ups...you can't have your mom come in and turn on your bedroom light until your 40, now can you. or can you?
i think i'm going to buy a $4.99 alarm clock at wal-mart this weekend, and leave it on his desk on monday morning. ha.
1.17.2007
the nothing argument
if you are in a relationship, for at least say...6 months or so, you are probably familiar with the following conversation:
girl: how was your day?
boy: fine, how was yours?
girl: fine...nothing too interesting to speak of. i'm doing _______ now.
boy: oh well, i don't want to interrupt _________.
girl: no really, it's ok. i called you.
boy: ok.
girl: so how was __________ yesterday?
boy: why do you have to nag me about __________? it's fine ok.
girl: well you are the one who asked me about ________ in the first place!
boy: because i was trying to be nice!
girl: well don't try, ok! you always do that, and it drives me crazy. why don't you just ______!
boy: because you always ________! this is stupid, i have to go.
girl: me too, bye.
boy: good. bye.
the beauty of this conversation is that the roles are interchangeable, and the blank can be just about any act, occurrence, project, emotion, tv show, book, party, movie, person, food etc. when you date for a long time, it seems that once in a while, you just can't stand each other. and it's nothing personal, you still have respect for each other, deep down you still love each other, but at that moment, there isn't anyone you'd rather speak to less.
i used to be of the belief that you needed to immediately talk through it, get the misunderstanding figured out and come to an agreement that you are just in a bad mood. but as i've matured, i've come to realize that the best cure for this situation is to just leave each other alone...for an hour, a day, a week (that might be a bit too long, if you are going a week without speaking, i think the problem is larger than this)...whatever it takes to get your brain clear of the gunk.
(the next day)
boy: hi! how are you? how's your day going?
girl: oh, it's going fine...i'm really busy ________, but it's good.
boy: that's good...well not that you are busy, but that you are having a good day.
girl: thanks. did you sleep well last night?
boy: yeah, did you?
girl: yeah...i did. want to get dinner or watch a movie or something tonight?
boy: definitely, i'll call you later.
and yes, the argument is over. no need to make it more than it is...just take some space and let it lie. it is true that female pms may be a key factor in this scenario, but then again so could male pms. we all have our moments, we just have to learn to deal with each others. that's the joy of a relationship, actually learning to relate.
if you are in a relationship, for at least say...6 months or so, you are probably familiar with the following conversation:
girl: how was your day?
boy: fine, how was yours?
girl: fine...nothing too interesting to speak of. i'm doing _______ now.
boy: oh well, i don't want to interrupt _________.
girl: no really, it's ok. i called you.
boy: ok.
girl: so how was __________ yesterday?
boy: why do you have to nag me about __________? it's fine ok.
girl: well you are the one who asked me about ________ in the first place!
boy: because i was trying to be nice!
girl: well don't try, ok! you always do that, and it drives me crazy. why don't you just ______!
boy: because you always ________! this is stupid, i have to go.
girl: me too, bye.
boy: good. bye.
the beauty of this conversation is that the roles are interchangeable, and the blank can be just about any act, occurrence, project, emotion, tv show, book, party, movie, person, food etc. when you date for a long time, it seems that once in a while, you just can't stand each other. and it's nothing personal, you still have respect for each other, deep down you still love each other, but at that moment, there isn't anyone you'd rather speak to less.
i used to be of the belief that you needed to immediately talk through it, get the misunderstanding figured out and come to an agreement that you are just in a bad mood. but as i've matured, i've come to realize that the best cure for this situation is to just leave each other alone...for an hour, a day, a week (that might be a bit too long, if you are going a week without speaking, i think the problem is larger than this)...whatever it takes to get your brain clear of the gunk.
(the next day)
boy: hi! how are you? how's your day going?
girl: oh, it's going fine...i'm really busy ________, but it's good.
boy: that's good...well not that you are busy, but that you are having a good day.
girl: thanks. did you sleep well last night?
boy: yeah, did you?
girl: yeah...i did. want to get dinner or watch a movie or something tonight?
boy: definitely, i'll call you later.
and yes, the argument is over. no need to make it more than it is...just take some space and let it lie. it is true that female pms may be a key factor in this scenario, but then again so could male pms. we all have our moments, we just have to learn to deal with each others. that's the joy of a relationship, actually learning to relate.
1.14.2007
so i found out that my old boss (at the job i quit) just quit as well. hm...great place to work, huh? i guess she went in and said some things that needed to be said about the management, the work atmosphere and protocol (or lack thereof).
so i sent her an email saying congratulations, and she replied that she knew she was leaving when i quit. she said that she deliberated over whether or not she should tell me, in case i wanted to take her position when she left. wow...do things happen for a reason. had she told me that, i would have been in dilemma mode and probably not been able to make up my mind. but i think in the end, i would have chosen to leave, depending on how much money they offered. my guess (since they are cheap bastards) is that they wouldn't have offered me as much as i wanted, and my entire existence would have revolved around work, and i would have also been working for the most heinous toad in the world.
i suppose things worked out the way they should...
so i sent her an email saying congratulations, and she replied that she knew she was leaving when i quit. she said that she deliberated over whether or not she should tell me, in case i wanted to take her position when she left. wow...do things happen for a reason. had she told me that, i would have been in dilemma mode and probably not been able to make up my mind. but i think in the end, i would have chosen to leave, depending on how much money they offered. my guess (since they are cheap bastards) is that they wouldn't have offered me as much as i wanted, and my entire existence would have revolved around work, and i would have also been working for the most heinous toad in the world.
i suppose things worked out the way they should...
1.12.2007
a few random thoughts this happy friday morning:
-i just bought my very own computer! it's awesome, and hopefully i'll be able to write a bit more often, becuase i'm stealing my neighbors internet connection.
-american idol starts next week! stay tuned for lots of comment blogs.
-i'm attending the rodeo on saturday night...my cowboy hat is coming out, and i'm sure i'm in for some serious people watching.
-this whole war in iraq thing is getting out of control. if you caught any of the conference with condoleeza, you may have seen the representative from hawaii. they never interview hawaii, but this guy...he was pissed. apparently this is the "most terrible, ridiculous" decision he's ever seen made. way to go upset hawaii. they'll break off into their own country if we're not careful.
and that my friends is my first post from my new vaio. sweet dude. catch you later.
have a great weekend :)
-i just bought my very own computer! it's awesome, and hopefully i'll be able to write a bit more often, becuase i'm stealing my neighbors internet connection.
-american idol starts next week! stay tuned for lots of comment blogs.
-i'm attending the rodeo on saturday night...my cowboy hat is coming out, and i'm sure i'm in for some serious people watching.
-this whole war in iraq thing is getting out of control. if you caught any of the conference with condoleeza, you may have seen the representative from hawaii. they never interview hawaii, but this guy...he was pissed. apparently this is the "most terrible, ridiculous" decision he's ever seen made. way to go upset hawaii. they'll break off into their own country if we're not careful.
and that my friends is my first post from my new vaio. sweet dude. catch you later.
have a great weekend :)
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