you's a ho

so, in australia (that crazy country), they are asking santa's not to say "ho ho ho" this christmas in sydney because some women will find it offensive. no, i'm not kidding. really. i swear. it's even on fox news!

Australian Santas Asked Not to 'Ho Ho Ho'
Thursday , November 15, 2007

By Janet Fyfe-Yeomans and Amanda Grant

SYDNEY, Australia —

He is an unlikely revolutionary, but this Christmas, Santa is a rebel with a claus.

He is having the last laugh on political correctness — and it's a great big fat belly laugh.

Santas across Sydney, Australia, are rebelling against attempts to ban their traditional greeting of "ho, ho, ho" in favor of "ha, ha, ha."

Recruitment firm Westaff — which supplies hundreds of Santas across the country — has told its trainees that the "ho ho ho" phrase could frighten children and could even be derogatory to women.

Two Santa hopefuls reportedly quit the course because of the hullabaloo of the ho, ho, ho.

One would-be Santa has told The Daily Telegraph he was taught not to use "ho, ho, ho" because it was too close to the American slang for prostitute. He also quit.

"Gimme a break," said Julie Gale, who runs a campaign against sexualizing children called Kids Free 2B Kids. "We are talking about little kids who do not understand that 'ho, ho, ho' has any other connotation, and nor should they."

"Leave Santa alone," she added.

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you know, i think it's about time this creepy old perv "santa" was reprimanded for his behavior. watching children while they play, keeping lists of their names, labelling them "naughty" - even luring them with treats and gifts. i mean, everyone learns as a kid - this kind of perpetrator is dangerous. he's a stranger with candy and has his eye on the youngins'. and to top it off, he's been getting away with yelling profanity at these innocent babies! calling them ho's and obviously degrading their self-esteem from a very young age.

i personally am glad that this came about, because we've all been living blind of the fact that santa is nothing more than a morally corrupt old man, running a factory with vertically challenged people as his employees. the horror! hasn't santa watched "little people big world"? these people can lead perfectly normal lives, and don't have to be subjected to this non-stop toymaking labor.

so hear this santa, you think you can get away with your jollitry and games, but we're on to you. by next year, your holiday will be nothing more than a day off work with a plastic "family" tree in the living room. we will not allow your attempts to bring light to our bleak winter season. and watch out david - we're after your star next.

how old is creepy?

the other day, i visited my local st. louis bread company to enjoy a bowl of chicken and wild rice soup with a co-worker. we waited in the usual line to place our orders, and when i reached the front of the line, i noticed the employee there to take my order was an elderly friendly-looking gentleman, who appeared to be having a great time taking people's orders.

old guy: well hello there young lady? how are you doing today? what can i get you?
me: i'll take the you-pick-two with chicken and wild rice soup and a tuscan chicken sandwich.
old guy: ok, great choices. i love the chicken and wild rice soup - it's delicious!
me: (thinking) i know that dummy, that's why i ordered it.
old guy: now would you like to buy a cookie with your meal for just 99 cents? it's our special right now.
me: no thank you.
old guy: oh come on - get a cookie - they are delicious! with your lovely figure, you can have a cookie with your lunch.
me: (thinking) did i hear that right?
me: (out loud) uh...thanks?
old guy: my friend is a fitness instructor, and she eats our cookies! but i get them for her with my employee discount.
me: i'll pass on the cookie, but i'd like a drink with my meal.
old guy: ok great! how would you like to pay?
(note: i have been holding my credit card in front of him for 3 minutes at this point)
old guy: on the magic credit card, great. your name is erin? a beautiful irish name for a beautiful girl. i'm irish, you know. john o'finnigan. i'm travelling to ireland next spring.
me: that's great, though i'm actually german.
old guy: well, ok. the germans and the irish get along now-a-days anyways! enjoy your lunch and watch that lovely figure!

i ran away from the counter as quickly as i could, so that he wouldn't come up with something else to talk to me about...and got to the table where my co-worker was sitting, already eating his food. i told him what the old guy said and why it took so long, and he brought up an interesting point. if this guy were 30, i would have thought he was a total creep - but somehow at 70, a guy can totally get away with it.

so at what age does a guy stop being a creepy perv? i'm thinking somewhere around 64...possibly 60, but that might be pushing it.

that's all i've got for today. that and a 9:30 softball game tonight that i'd rather not attend...but it's the last game of the season (FINALLY) so at least i have a break until next fall. if we win this one, we come in second, surprisingly.

enjoy the extra hour of your weekend.