today i have discovered a company called Santa Plus, based right here in my hometown. i had heard rumors of it being true, but i just read in my magazine that it is, in fact, a real company. they specialize in finding santas that 1) really look like santa 2) in many cases, have a real beard 3) don't smell like whiskey and 4) are well-mannered. now at first glance, you might think, "how could a company like this really stay in business?" the answer is in the paychecks. apparently, these santas make up to $100 for a 20 minute appearance for the kiddies. if i made $100 every 20 minutes, i'd be...well, i'd be loaded obviously. but, alas, i cannot be a santa plus santa, because i do not possess the ability to grow a beard and/or look like a man. but i would LOVE to be the CEO of santa plus, i can't imagine how anyone could get mad at you...or how could anyone file a lawsuit against you. YOU CAN'T SUE SANTA! that's just blasphemy.

anyways, i tried to find their web site, but i can't. they must be in the north pole, where there is no internet.

happy turkey eating.