The Art of Quitting

Just 3 days ago, I did something that people daydream about constantly. The mere thought of it brings a grin (of the shit-eating variety) to your face. You imagine what it would feel like, the satisfaction it would bring, and best of all, the people it would piss off. That's right, I quit my job. Officially. And it was the best day I've had in a long time.

Luckily, I've already found another job, which is why i quit. Quitting without one lined up would just be crazy, right? Yes, but I totally would have done it if I weren't so close to broke.

I walked into my boss's office, feeling like my stomach was going to fall out of my butt, and wishing I could pay someone to have the conversation I was about to have. Yet, I kept thinking, "You've wanted to do this for so long...it's supposed to be the epitome of sticking it to them, don't be nervous." But unfortunately, I have a serious issue with dissappointing people, so my conscience was getting the better of me.

I told her that a better opportunity had come up (duh, driving a trash truck would be better than this) and it was a very difficult decision to make (not), and I was so sad to be leaving (as sad as a kid at christmas). Once I started talking, rather than getting shaky and nervous like I thought I would have, I got very calm and relaxed. I felt like I had just solved all the world's problems.

She asked if I would accept a counter-offer. NOT ON YOUR LIFE. I didn't say that, of course. I said, very professionally, "I've already made up my mind." And the elation commenced.

So now, I am enduring the longest week of my life, only looking forward to next week (my last week), which I'm sure will be the second longest week of my life.

But I've planned it just right: My last day of work is the day of the holiday party. It's a bowling party. Picture me, so drunk I don't remember my name, obviously talking shit about everyone I work with, bowling and loving life.

It's my last day.